End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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