i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
