i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
