how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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