I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I look better un-naked...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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