I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
