Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
