Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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