oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
