I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
