really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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