We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Randomize
