What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
