I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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