SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
