Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
