How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
