Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
