I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
