I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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