If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
