we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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