Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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