There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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