I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My balls are so social today.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
