omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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