I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
