Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
