so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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