I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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