I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have aggressive nipples.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize