is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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