I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
