Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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