just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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