You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
