i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
