Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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