You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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