I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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