69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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