My room smells like vodka and shame
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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