she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
