i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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