Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
