Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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