2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
