just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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