I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
