I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
