He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we're so committed to being not committed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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