You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
People in love make me want to vomit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
