she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
