i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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