Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
