That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
