so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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