i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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