If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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