HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bring me that man meat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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