why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
